Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
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