forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
