I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
