dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize
