we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
You made out with two different species that night
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
