I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
