Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
he thought i was a dude.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
there is puke in my bra ... again
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
