I don't usually arrange sex via text message
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
