So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
