Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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