Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
