SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
