The best revenge is premature balding
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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