I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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