Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
