Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize