Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
