It's like a parade of train wrecks.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
