Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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