I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
