I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Randomize
