I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
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