I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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