Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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