If that was your dad, he is hot
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
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