then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
