my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
