I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
