last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
