took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I wish you could order shots online.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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