I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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