Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
