This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
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