I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
