Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
