I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
