bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
