I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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