sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
