At least make sure they are 18
Why
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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