i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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