Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
