Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
