Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
