You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
im on a boat
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