his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
