I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
