I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
