this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Randomize
