So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Randomize
